16 noiembrie 2011

Labirint de stari....(Maze of states)

In camera pustie ma pierd intr-un labirint de stari
Printre foi si cuvinte caut sa gasesc putere sa sa merg mai departe
Sa evadez din cimitirul clipelor de mult moarte
Privirea pare goala.Caut sclipirea ratacita din ochi intre versuri ce imi concretizeaza starea
Caut zambetul desenat intr-un oracol cu amintiri obosite si prafuite de timp
Caut clipa de fericire spulberata de cuvinte nepotrivite dintr-un moment nepotrivit
Caut visele pierdute printre perne in noptiile in care lacrimile ingreunau asternuturile
Caut sa-mi nutresc sperantele din franturi de trecut ce inca bantuie locul
Caut sa imi regasesc spiritul de copil pe leganul din parcul ce se contureaza prin geamul aburit
Caut sa ma regasesc pe mine intr-o mare de clipe ce imi ametesc mintea in diversitatea lor
Trec subit de la o stare la alta cu fiecare ticait de ceas ce imi bate asurzitor in ureche
Se ineaca orele in timp si cu fiecare moment imi pare ca ma afund si mai mult in propria temnita
Secundele imi par o eternitate si in jur nu e nimeni sa ma impinga sa merg mai departe
Raman tintuita in acelasi colt de camera unde tes panze de amintiri in care tot eu raman captiva
Din rame pozele, in care am imortalizat farame de fericire, par ca imi zambesc ironic
Vreau sa raman,vreau sa plec,prea confuza sa stiu daca sa fug sau nu de propriul eu
Inlemnesc sa descopar ca am pierdut si lacrimile care uneori ma faceau sa ma simt vie
Si incep sa caut regretele tardive intr-un sertar intepenit in care am inghesuit vechile cadouri
Sa caut sperantele pierdute intr-o scrisoare de la revedere mototolita,ratacita-ntr-un penar
Vocile constiintei sunt in razboi cu glasurile ascutite ale inimii in timp ce eu gresesc mereu calea
Urla dintr-un caiet dorintele dintr-o zi de vara si caut forta sa nu rasfoiesc trecutul inutil
Printre toate starile caut o cale de scapare din banala singuratate
Caut curajul intr-un car de slabiciuni si nu fac altceva decat sa gasesc si mai multe indoieli
Caut momentul potrivit sa ma ridic din prapastia in care singura m-am ingropat cu fiecare ora irosita
Caut o cale de iesire din labirintul de stari care ma taraste mereu in jurul aceluiasi sentiment de neputinta...

Si am sa evadez,azi,maine,intr-o zi,sau poate niciodata...

In the empty room I lose myself in a maze of states
Among the papers and words I'm looking to find the strength to go on
To escape from the cemetery of the moments gone for so long
The look seems to be empty. I search for  the lost  shine of the eyes among lyrics that materialize my state
I look for the smile drawn in an oracle filled with tired and dusty memories
I look for the moment of happiness shattered by the inappropriate words said in a wrong time
I look for the lost dreams among the pillows in the nights when the tears used to fill the bedsheets
I look to cherish my hopes from past fragments that are still haunting this place
I look to find my child spirit on the swing in the playground that is outlined through the steamed window
I look to find myself in a sea of moments that confuse my mind with their diversity
I suddenly pass  from one state to another  with each tick of the clock that beats deafening in my ear
Hours drowns in time and with each moment I seem to go deeper in my own prison
Seconds seem like an eternity and there is nobody around pushing me to move on
I'm pinned in the same corner of the room where I weave webs of memories in which I always remain trapped
From frames the pictures, in which I immortalized pieces of happiness , seem to smile me ironically
I want to stay, I want to leave,  I’m too confused to know whether or not to run from myself
I'm afraid to discover that I've lost even the tears that sometimes made me feel alive
And I start to look for the belated regrets in a stuck drawer in which my cramped the old gifts
I look to find the hopes that I've lost in a goodbye letter crumpled somewhere in a pencil
Voices of consciousness are at war with the sharp voices of  heart while I always walk on the wrong way
From a notebook, desires from a summer day are screaming and I look to find the power to not unnecessarily brows the past
Among all states  I look for a way to escape from the ordinary solitude
I look for the courage in a car of weaknesses and I'm not doing anything else than founding even more doubts
I look for the right time to get up from the gap in which I buried myself with every hour wasted in vain
I look for a way to walk out  of this maze of states that always drags me around the same feeling of helplessness...

And I'll escape, today, tomorrow, someday, or maybe never...

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